Have you ever wondered?
Have you ever wondered about how you got to where you are today? Single, divorced, married, children, no children, in debt up to your eyeballs or debt free. There are so many choices to be made along the road and sometimes we wish we made different ones. What is that ‘wish’ motivated by? Is it because you are unhappy with where you are? Or is it just wonder?
I often think back to the decisions I’ve made in my life and wonder, did I choose what was easy or what I really wanted? Did I believe what I really wanted was worth facing resistance? Did I have the strength or endurance to maintain my composure while putting up this fight? How important was composure? What if people thought I was crazy? What if… What if… What if…
I remember wondering, ‘if I choose the more difficult path, would I have what it took to make it through? If I failed, would I then be a failure? I don’t want to be a failure.’ As I looked back I started to see patterns in my choices that lead me to continue to wonder about what I was really capable of and if I made the best decision for my future self or if I was just afraid. Did I just choose the route that was safe? We often believe safety to be the best choice. In self-defense the choice should ALWAYS be the safest one. “CHOOSE SAFETY ALWAYS.” That is what I teach. But what is the difference between physical safety and feeling safe? Is there a difference?
I believe there are things we think will keep us safe and there are things that actually do. In my experience, consistency and predictability = safety. Now, things can be dangerous and unhealthy and yet still uphold the quality of predictability and consistency, but does that mean they are ‘safe’? Does safety mean things don’t change? Is it the change that feels unsafe? The question of safety is often associated with the known and unknown. The unknown can lead to growth but it can also lead to death. Now that seems a little dramatic I know, but it is very true. Simply put, some things need to die and seasons need to end so we can grow and experience ourselves on a deeper level. Do we have the courage and do we trust ourselves to take steps forward?
So how can we start making decisions that help us grow and experience life more fully? Well, it starts with trusting yourself to show up. We can build trust not by necessarily doing NEW things, but revisiting things we done before where we’ve made decisions that didn’t turn out to be in our favor. Moments where we quit on ourselves. Not where we failed but where we quit. Where we gave up! The purest form of self sabotage is quitting on yourself. Quitting is saying its not worth it, I’m not worth it. And no way is that trust worthy. Not to mention it points to your actions being unintentional and without purpose. So here it is, are you ready for it?
Be intentional. Want what you want bad enough to fight for it? What are you willing to get dirty for? Your words and your actions. It’s time to decide what you want and start fighting for it!
Build trust within you by giving yourself the opportunity to do something different. Revisit moments where you quit and chose something different this time. Build equity in yourself. You’ll need it for when you take risks!
Begin to wonder more about who you are and what you are capable of. What is on the other side of things you don’t want to do? Ever wonder about that?
Write down the things you dream of doing and then write down all of the excuses/reasons as to why you are not doing them. Ask yourself, ‘do any of these have to do with fear?’
What makes you feel safe? What does safety mean to you?
Start trusting yourself to respond with connection and to fight without losing your identity or worth.
Stop abandoning what you believe in when things don’t go according to plan and learn to fail faster.
I want you to use this as a prompt and journal about this. Begin to wonder about yourself. You’re not done yet my friend. If you are reading this, there is still life to live. If its 5 min, 5 years or 5 decades you have time… Begin to wonder more about your future, present and your past decisions. You get to decide if you are done yet… Do you believe you are?
Much love,
Shantell
