Good ol’ Boundaries
We talk about our core all the time in the fitness world. Strength in our core is responsible for stabilizing the rest of our body. When we build big, strong things, they can only be as strong as the structure on which they sit. The structure of our bodies is very important to how we handle load, move weight and build strength. Connecting to our middle, or our core is a huge part of connecting to ourselves. It is also incredibly important in how we live our lives.
As we dream, build family, build businesses and make choices it’s important to evaluate the structure on which our life site. The stuff that holds it all together. Do we have enough rest in our schedule? Do we have good lines of communication? Do we have time for the important relationships in our lives? Is resolving conflict a priority? Many times, the answer to one or many of these questions is ‘no’. So, what then? Cue… boundaries.
It’s a word that can carry a lot of emotion, trauma, judgement, embarrassment, shame, etc. We have all lived lives in which we have most likely said we’d adhere to a certain boundary and then talked ourselves out of it. Keeping work at work, keeping finances out of the bedroom, certain levels of physical intimacy while dating, keeping confidential information confidential, and the list goes on. I’m sure you have an example of yours that hits home as well, and many times the struggle we have with the limitation we have put in place for ourself stems from a simple root of rebellion. Moments get heated, thoughts run wild and time seems short so we decide that the limitation we put in place for our long term benefit is really just limiting us from meeting the need we have in the moment.
In this light, boundaries, or rules to live by can feel threatening or restricting. ‘I’m a grown ass woman, I do what I want’ kind of thinking. Or, I simply don’t feel like choosing to, fill in the blank, because, whatever reason makes sense at the time. But it is in these places of accountability, balance and saying ‘no’ that we truly find freedom. Living saying ‘yes’ out of obligation just fill our lives unnecessarily, and we end up captive to our commitments rather than enjoying a full life of choice and balance. In reality, a stable structure that keeps us accountable is kind and loving while the attitude of rebellion sabotages our moments and our future.
Please understand, I am not advocating for a rigid life with no flexibility and grace. Instead, I desire to bring to light the necessity of structure as the place where strength begins. Your life is important, and to live it fully and abundantly, you need something holding it up.
I challenge you to think about the places in your life that you have structure and think about the places that find yourself in the same places. Now, remember, not everything needs rules. A good place to start is thinking about 3-5 things that you value. Communication, relationship, exercise, family, dreaming, whatever! Then, consider the life you currently live. Do you make time for everything you want to have time for? Are you spending time doing other things you value less and sacrificing the moments you deeply desire? If you’re human, there’s a good chance that one (or more!) of your commitments could use some cleaning up. So, I give it some love! Say ‘no’ to something. Or… some of you might need to say ‘yes’ to the one little flame barely burning in your heart. Either way, change is hard and the road is most definitely not straight forward. Go in with grace, understanding and a newly calibrated compass pointing whatever ‘due north’ is for your life.
I bless you as you contemplate these ideas! May you learn to embrace the value of discipline, consistency and rhythms so that you can live the life you dream of.
Big hugs,
Tess Faust
