Ornaments of Our Lives

As I sit here next to our freshly chopped Christmas tree, I find myself thinking about heritage. There are ornaments spanning four generations old adorning the branches, and with them questions. memories and observations. Was Christmas a joyous time for grandma? What about her mom? Did grandpa join in? Were there traditions that stopped prior to me? And the list goes on.

I wonder these things because these ornaments (paired with being a new mama) remind me that as we go through life, we, too, become adorned with mementoes of various experiences. Some wonderful, some horrific, some fun and some we wish we could relive over and over again.

As the holidays are here and festivities are reaching their peak, I think about choice. I think about exchange. I think about the reality of “if this… then…”. If I buy things I don’t need, we have less to give. If I take Lilah out at 2pm, she’ll mess up her nap. Simple cause and effect. Now let’s bring it back to the original analogy. If I keep this ornament, there’s not room for a new one. The branch droops as I try to hang it anyway and it’s clear the tree has reached it’s capacity.

When we reach our capacity, we don’t necessarily look like a tree with saggy branches, but we might look distant, disconnected, frantic, or overwhelmed. We, like the branches of a tree, can continue to ‘hold’ things past a place of comfort and beauty… we just don’t do it well. We are caught in the tension of having limitations and not wanting to miss out, disappoint someone or just say no.

My husband and I have said some “no’s”, we have chosen intentional things, and are able to be present in these choices with each other and our sweet little girl. There’s room for spontaneity as well as rest. And we miss some things, And that’s okay. Though… it didn’t feel okay at first. It was actually incredibly uncomfortable to find our true capacity and is often still uncomfortable to embrace it. Worth it every time though ;)

If you think about your life, are there any areas that feel unmanageable? Are they areas that need a new approach/hard conversation or are they places that aren’t for right now? Where in your life are you truly choosing the things you do?

Big hugs,
Tess Faust