Pinky Promise?!

You know when you say you’re going to do something and then you don’t do it? Ok, how about this, you know when someone else says they are going to do something, and they don’t do it? How do you feel? Is there a difference in the way you feel? If you had to pick, are you more frustrated with the person, or your self?

Either way, empty promises are the pits. They don’t feel good in any way. If you were to ask me why I don’t keep my promises I would say, “I do.” If I’m unable to fulfill I would say, “I ran out of time.” Or something similar like, “I got busy! The garbage man came early, I had to run outside in my JP’s and almost missed him. Then when I was out there I tripped over the curb, stubbed my toe, and you know how I get when I stub my toe and by that time I had to go work.” I can give you more example that are just short of entertaining but you could bet they’d be both convincing and excusable.  But at the end of the day, there still is an unfulfilled promise. And you over explaining ourself isn’t making you more reliable. 

Now, I’m using the word promise. For some, this is a BIG deal. The word promise comes with a pinky, blood and spit in a ceremonial handshake. That is a form of it, yes. But the other, your word, is just as important. Did you say you were going to do it? Then do it. If you cant do it, don’t say you will.  Easier said than done, right. Life can, indeed, get in the way. Here is what I’ve found…

We say things we don’t mean because of a few reasons:

1 - We are afraid to say no or what we really think. (Conflict)

2 - We want people to like us.

3 - We don’t know what our responsibilities are and therefore feel like its our job to fulfill the need presented. 

4 - We don’t value the outcome or haven’t established the value upon fulfillment.

Unfulfilled promises lead to distrust. You become unreliable and therefore people question if you can come through for them. Now, let’s leave other people out of this for a second and talk about you. How about you to you. Let’s not worry about how your unfulfilled promises make other people feel, how about when you don’t keep your word… to yourself? Like, saying you’re not going to push the snooze button and then, you do. Or does this sound familiar, I’m going to start putting my clothes away and stop dropping them on the floor in my bedroom? It’s the little things (promises) that go unfulfilled that lead us to lack confidence and trust in ourselves ultimately building a castle self doubt.

Here are a few tips to use when adjusting the little things:

Use the word ‘instead’ rather than ‘not’ or ‘stop’. It’s a word that implies action and indicates a replacement rather than building the relationship of “good” and “bad”. For example, “instead of putting my clothes on the floor, I am going to hang my clothes up.” Or, “instead of pushing the snooze twice, I am going to push it once.” You are stating, strongly, what you are going to do. 

Before saying the ‘promise’ out loud, decide whether it’s something you really want to do… OR are you just wanting it to be done? Interesting difference, right? Are you just complaining? Because the moaning and groaning we are really complaining about is

…are you ready for this…ourselves. We are complaining about ourselves to ourselves. And guess what, we are listening. 

If you are unable to do these little things or keep these promises, it’s often its an indicator that we are overloaded and need to delegate. I’m not talking about delegating your responsibility to take care of yourself I’m talking about the things that are filling your schedule, taking your time or “getting in the way” of taking care of yourself. We can also look at the steps above to investigate further.

It’s the little things in our daily routines that we decide we are going to change and then change our minds when push comes to shove because it “doesn’t really matter” that leaves us with a negative opinion of ourselves. Our opinion of ourself, in my opinion, the most important of them all. Having a shallow or negative opinion of ourselves, I believe, leads us to needing to prove ourselves to others and ultimately ourselves. We want proof for things we question. Do I trust this person enough to invest in? Are they reliable? Are they who they say they are? Are we? 

Just because we can doesn’t mean we need to. Just because we don’t want to doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. Build trust in yourself, invest in you. You are worthy of trust. Start keeping those promises and living more confidently. I hope this was a helpful perspective for you! Remember, you will fail to keep these promises from time to time and thats ok. Give yourself some grace and adjust when you need to adjust. I’d love to hear about your promises! When you see me, please share them with me!

Much love,

Shantell