Are you hiding in plain sight?
This last week I had an awesome conversation with a friend about relationship. We discussed friendship, family dynamics, romantic relationships and the act of choosing to pursue relationships with people whom we are both challenged by and encouraged by. We revisited the struggles of moving to a new place, building new community and the difficulty of those first few years where we often find ourselves alone. The same runs true in new seasons of life… grief, parenthood, realizing a dream, and the list goes on.
This made me think more about the reality of loneliness and the havoc it can wreak, but also of the growth it can encourage. This may come as a shock to you, but our need for connection as human beings is now (as of May) an official public health issue. That’s right, the surgeon general has written an entire book on the epidemic of loneliness and isolation. I’m including a few stats of the consequences of insufficient human connection for you numbers people: 29% increase risk of heart disease, 32% increase risk of stroke, 50% increase of developing dementia, 60% increase in premature death.
Now, we read this and think yeah, that makes sense… but it’s still true. It’s been true… and will to be true until we take back the power of community by learning and teaching how to build strong relationships and stay in strong relationships. Because in case you missed the statistics… our lives depend on it!! And, life is just more fun with people.
We’ve all been in places in life where the above suggestion of making friends feels absolutely impossible… and I’m not here to add any shame or worry. The truth is that loneliness is a gift - it is a feeling that speaks to our deep hunger to belong and be known. Loneliness points to how we distance ourselves from vital relationships. There are beautiful things that happen in our souls when we go through a time of loneliness are inspired to choose to intentionally spend time with ourselves or others. Moments of relearning who we are, acknowledging the things we’ve come through, celebrating the moments we’ve won, and mourning the moments full of loss and sadness.
This world is full of noise and opportunities to connect… but can easily turn into a smoke screen that allows us to hide in plain sight. Here are a few things to ponder:
What do you want out of the relationships in your life? With yourself? With others? And are you willing to bring those things yourself?
Are you comfortable acknowledging loneliness in your life and can you allow it to remind you of your need for connection rather than turning to social media, snacks or business?
Being a new mama, I get it!! There is such a need for connection and yet we have such different capacities in different times of our lives. And, sometimes the connection we need is actually with ourselves or one close friend. Take the pressure off and remember the things you value. You’re going a good job.
Big hugs,
Tess Faust
