Meet Vonda Allen

What originally drew you to join Dropgym?

My daughter had been going for a while and we could see such a big transformation in her. She had been living in grief from the loss of her husband and all the awful things that goes along with grief. Her family was broken, we were all broken and did not know how to move with her through this dark time or even grieve on our own without just making more messes. I did not have it in me to join for myself, I could do it “for her”, that is what I always had done, for someone else as I did not hold myself worth much at all deep down. I wanted what she was experiencing, I found her looking better physically, a glow to her skin and even a smile that I hadn’t seen in such a long time. She was setting boundaries for herself which at first felt like punishment to me, but I think only because they were unfamiliar in our family. Thank you my sweet daughter for being brave enough to start something that we have all been benefitting from in a way at times I did not think possible. I am learning what “Respect the Process” means, well what it means to me as there is a process and it is not just a quick fix like I have always wanted in my life. Like many other families we too have had a very dysfunctional family (to say the least) for so long. The good part is we are starting to do things different and it feels oh so good.

What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?

I’m not sure this is the bravest thing I have ever done, but this took a lot of courage for me as I have tried several times before only to fail or give up within a few weeks.

On January 29th 2020 I started weaning myself from antidepressants (it was in a healthy way), you see I have been down this road before and knew what was recommended by my doctor. Thank goodness I did not know what this last year would bring as I think I might have chickened out as Covid has been so hard to deal with and then we have had another horrific event with the loss of my Grandson Caleb just 19. I have always been one to mask pain, even as a little girl, I remember taking paregoric and actually becoming addicted to it, later addiction to things like Excedrin, diet soda, eating, smoking, stuff (just buying stuff) I didn’t really need or have a use for and one of the biggest and hardest for me to admit was meth. The thing I learned they all have in common whether it be and addiction to buying things or taking things that are harmful to you and your loved ones is that they were coming from a place of a void I was trying to fill. The pain I had felt from just a small child in which I was determined to cover up. The shame that I felt and for that I would spend most of my years punishing myself. Most of us know that this doesn’t help, one day something hits you and things start to surface. My anti-depressants were just another thing that I felt I had been doing that needed to go away to be able to feel things in this journey that I started when I joined Camp 17 (Drop Gym). I wanted to feel this time and didn’t want it to be masked by these pills that were just a normal for me. I knew that God wanted this for me, as along the way even if I didn’t believe it he has always been there for me. I am still working on several things, but today I have hope and it is a healthier way of doing things than I have ever done before. It took 50 plus years to build all these layers so I know this will take some time. I am a survivor this I know and I look forward to the years ahead of me today.

What’s one thing you’d want the woman working out next to you to know about you?

I am your biggest fan! I love seeing women work through the hard things as it has given me such courage to continue with my own journey. This is a safe place, the environment that Lu and Shantell have started here has been amazing and the walls of this gym have so many stories to tell. I wish they were all recorded so we could all see our accomplishments all the time. Always remember, it is never too late and there aren’t enough excuses as to why you shouldn’t begin loving yourself or doing something in a different way to make you happy. We Matter!

What are you most proud of yourself for facing in the gym?

The fear to join in, to be a part of something good.

I joined camp in April of 2019 (approximately) Tribe XVI. It was shortly after my second hip surgery. My first hip surgery was about 5 years prior and with the first surgery I was terrified that I would “Pop my hip out if I did any strenuous exercise” I feel like I heard that in the beginning and couldn’t get that out of my mind. I did not do the work with my first hip surgery and there is a major difference today. I was so scared to join Camp and had all the excuses and doubts imaginable, but this time was different as I felt desperate I was just so physically and emotionally broken and flat exhausted from how I was navigating this thing called life.

Today I have learned I am strong! I have learned this journey is mine, as much as I wanted in the beginning to be like others, I learned that this was only holding me back. I have had to learn to love my hips and love myself and really be kind to myself. I have had to start almost everything it seems from the basics and that’s ok, it is good for my soul and very humbling. All the self talk that I had done I had to think about why do I do this to me as I would never think that of someone else. I look at others in admiration so why couldn’t I do this for me. I am learning this, breaking old habits is hard, but it is happening. The many layers of shame, grief, guilt you name it I think I have thought it are starting to come off. I had a gym fairy for many months that paid for my gym and it was so hard for me to accept. I could not believe that someone would have so much faith in me when I couldn’t see it myself. I still don’t know who she was but it was a turning point in my journey (after I got through all the stupid old way of thinking that I wasn’t deserving) and to her I am forever grateful. I am so thankful I decided to face my fear and join in.

Describe yourself in three words?

Playful, Loving and Kind.

In one year from now, what would you like to wake up thinking/feeling every morning?

I am so happy to be alive and well.

What are 3-4 things that bring you joy?

The pure innocence of a child’s laugh. I love to see my grandkids laugh and giggle, it is the best.

Watching my grandson give his mom a hug when it is not something he does normally.

Puppy kisses.

My husband giving me a hug knowing that everything is going to be ok without any words needed or when he’ll say “ I love you girl.” Still makes my heart melt.

Making memories with my friends and family. Oops that is 5.

What is your favorite movement? Is there a movement in the gym that has spoken to you or changed how you approach your life?

Sled pushing.

I feel the sled pushing is like going through life. You go through those cracks in the pavement and they really want to draw you in and keep you stuck in a familiar place. It’s not until you learn a different way whether it be breath to show your strength to overcome or maybe it is to go down a different road than ever before. Every time I push a sled I become more aware of where I was from the beginning until now. I remember a workout once with my daughter where we were pushing sleds and each crack in the parking lot seemed like a memory of my life, each one I had to do something different to get through it, with some I had to go around and not take that same destructive path. I remember telling Lu it was like 30 years of therapy, she said yup 30 years in 30 minutes and it didn’t even cost that much. So true.